Robocop and the Ageless Masterpiece
A deep, guttural blast of sonic fury emanated from the 18 foot speakers in Robocop's band's warehouse practice space. Robocop growled the lyrics to "Ageless Masterpiece", the definitive track of the Ronald James Dio tribute band he had assembled, The Ageless Maestros.
There were many directions Robocop could have taken a band paying homage to man who cut such a broad and accomplished swath through the popular music landscape. In this instance, Robocop decided that he could best honor the memory of Dio the Master by emulating the violent, psychically assaulting musical mood set best by the likes of Al Jourgensen of the industrial rock pioneering band, Ministry, as well as his pet side project 10,000 Homo DJs, rather than the powerful yet soulful and perhaps equally appropriate blues inspired rhythms of George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers.
In any event, Robocop and his band were practicing and they were totally fucking loud. Normally that is just how Robocop likes it. The louder the better to drown out the nagging worries, doubts and insecurities that perccolated through his addled brain, and the better to chase away the persistent notion that Robocop's life was just a big fat fucking waste of time, which glommed on to Robocop like an irritating rash for which really fucking loud music was the only balm.
But now, lacking a salve for this frustrations, Robocop applied pressure to the microphone he was snarling into until it popped, crumbling into a pile of worthless dust.
"Robocop, are you all right?" Asked the Ageless Maestros drummer, John Stanier, legendary drummer of alternative metal band, Helmet, known best for his speed, endurance and precision as a performer.
"Yes, John Stanier, everything is fine. Why would you think I am not fine just fine?" Robocop punctuated the end of his sentence by picking up a guitar and chucking it through a window and out of the warehouse.
"Robocop," continued John, "my specialty may be awesome drumming with a super tall splash cymbal, but it definitely seems like something has got you upset."
"Nope, I am fine. No need for it, your concern." Robocop then kicked his foot through a speaker.
John was skeptical of Robocop's insistence. "I don't understand, Robocop. Didn't you just get a new day job? One pays well and doesn't drive you crazy? You also moved into a sweet new apartment and have been dating a girl for a few months. It's like you've got everything going for you but your still miserable."
"Could it be," interjected Rex Brow, formerly the bassist of Pantera and one of the driving forces behind the power groove metal phenomenon, "that Robocop is only truly happy when he's crushing Hurricane malt liquor in his basement, smoking cigarettes and listening to Tool?"
"I think you have nailed it, my problem, Rex Brown. God fuck it all."
The end.
There were many directions Robocop could have taken a band paying homage to man who cut such a broad and accomplished swath through the popular music landscape. In this instance, Robocop decided that he could best honor the memory of Dio the Master by emulating the violent, psychically assaulting musical mood set best by the likes of Al Jourgensen of the industrial rock pioneering band, Ministry, as well as his pet side project 10,000 Homo DJs, rather than the powerful yet soulful and perhaps equally appropriate blues inspired rhythms of George Thorogood and the Delaware Destroyers.
In any event, Robocop and his band were practicing and they were totally fucking loud. Normally that is just how Robocop likes it. The louder the better to drown out the nagging worries, doubts and insecurities that perccolated through his addled brain, and the better to chase away the persistent notion that Robocop's life was just a big fat fucking waste of time, which glommed on to Robocop like an irritating rash for which really fucking loud music was the only balm.
But now, lacking a salve for this frustrations, Robocop applied pressure to the microphone he was snarling into until it popped, crumbling into a pile of worthless dust.
"Robocop, are you all right?" Asked the Ageless Maestros drummer, John Stanier, legendary drummer of alternative metal band, Helmet, known best for his speed, endurance and precision as a performer.
"Yes, John Stanier, everything is fine. Why would you think I am not fine just fine?" Robocop punctuated the end of his sentence by picking up a guitar and chucking it through a window and out of the warehouse.
"Robocop," continued John, "my specialty may be awesome drumming with a super tall splash cymbal, but it definitely seems like something has got you upset."
"Nope, I am fine. No need for it, your concern." Robocop then kicked his foot through a speaker.
John was skeptical of Robocop's insistence. "I don't understand, Robocop. Didn't you just get a new day job? One pays well and doesn't drive you crazy? You also moved into a sweet new apartment and have been dating a girl for a few months. It's like you've got everything going for you but your still miserable."
"Could it be," interjected Rex Brow, formerly the bassist of Pantera and one of the driving forces behind the power groove metal phenomenon, "that Robocop is only truly happy when he's crushing Hurricane malt liquor in his basement, smoking cigarettes and listening to Tool?"
"I think you have nailed it, my problem, Rex Brown. God fuck it all."
The end.
posted by Ken Dynamo at
12:30 PM
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