It's been three years since we last visited Robocop and in that time a woman has entered his life. The woman is stunning beautiful and yet also incredibly cool and funny. Her name is Fuggin Slud and Robocop is desperately in love. Unfortunately, Fuggin Slud is not about to debase herself in a fruitless relationship with a dickless cyborg, so instead of three years of unbridled passion with with the girl of his dreams, Robocop has spent this time firmly cemented in the so-called 'friend zone', much to his dismay.

One day, Fuggin Slud approached Robocop as she would any other time they would hang together as swell platonic pals.

"So Robocop,"

"Now Fuggin Slud, my name is Robocop, but all of my lovers they call me Mur-"

"Yeah anyway Robocop, I was thinking about that new song you and your band were working on."

Like any good friend, Fuggin Slud had taken interest in Robocop's career as the world most heaviest of all the world's metal rockers.

"You mean it, the new song Fart Fuck Ham (fart fuck hime)?"

"Yeah, sing the chorus again for me."

"To do that would be a pleasure of mine.

Fart fuck ham,
Fart fuck hime,
Fat fuck steen,
Fat fuck stine."

"Hmm... Well it's good, but I think the whole industrial angle is a bit played out. Ever thought of adding a country western element? Start off each line with 'ah', like this:

ah-Fart fuck ham,
ah-Fart fuck hime,
ah-Fat fuck steen,
ah-Fat fuck stine."

"Interesting. So as to create a new fusion rock genre in a way that the Judgment Night Soundtrack did so famously?"

"Yeah I guess. Well, it was good seeing you. I've got to go to a party at this guy's house. Hey, why don't you come?"

"Oh well yes, I was uh, thinking instead of a party that is not one that is one that I, uh, or that you could hang it out here, with uh, myself and, as the party is not, uh, something that is uh, well I-"

"Haha, yeah ok, well call me later!"

Robocop watched dejectedly as Fuggin Slud walked out to go to a party at some dude's house instead of staying and rocking it out with himself.

As Robocop began to depressingly compare how much more often he thought of Fuggin Slud then she thought of him, a cool mist began to percolate through the room. The lights dimmed and began to glow an eerie green. A baritone voice then spoke:

"Forgive her, Murphy, for she knows not what she does."

"Oh hey, it is you, Peter Steele, the leader singer of the legendary gothic rock doom metal band, Type O Negative."

"Hello, Murphy, it sems you have found yourself deep in the bowels of that vicious succubus who goes by the name friendzone.

"Yes it is true, Peter Steele, but the friendzone, it is a sticky place, out from which I can not find a way to extricate myself. Fuggin Slud has me enthralled, and I am forlorn."

"Yeah, she seems like the kind of girl you just want to take to a cemetary and drip melted wax all over her black leather corset."

"What is it you say?"

"Huh? Oh nothing. Listen, Robocop, let me tell you a few things about fuck'n sluts.

First, sluts are great, and often if you hang out with sluts, you can get laid. However, if you're into one particular fuck'n slut who instead of fucking you decides she's going to fuck and suck off every other guy you know, you probably need to quit being into this particular fuck'n slut. And finally, if you ever find yourself in the friendzone with some fuck'n slut and can't get over her, just blow your fucking brains out and get it over with, man, 'cause you ain't never gettin' out."

Robocop pauses to consider if there is any difference between Fuggin Slud and Fuck'n Sluts.

"This may be it, the truth, Peter Steele, but also perhaps it is okay to pine for a particular slut that has fucked them all of mankind, if it is someone for whom you do care for deeply. After all, why for not? If being around a Fuggin Slud, er, that is I mean, a fuck'n slut, makes you happy, then it may be worth it to put up with the constant pummeling of one's self esteem. Besides, I am one of a dickless cyborg, and can not rock it out with anything that resembles my cock out."

"Hey Robocop, stop shitting down my throat and calling it chocolate mousse. "

Robocop is now more sad than ever.

"Oh look Murphy, I didn't mean to bum you out so much. I was just trying to help. This is just the way I deal with my constant pain and sorrow. Like, whatever floats your fucking boat, bro."

Robocop perks up slightly, "You say Fartfuckstine."

"I say Fartcuksteen. Exactamundo, dude. Now come on, lets go murder some prostitutes."

"Wait, what?"

"I mean coffee, lets go get coffee."

"Uh, ok, whatever it is you say, Peter Steele."

Robocop and Peter Steele walk down to the nearest Starbucks and get in line. They are delayed from enjoying a hot caffeinated beverage by an untold number of douchebags who are holding up the line by ordering extraordinarily complicated specialty drinks that take literally over 6 hours to prepare. Robocop and Peter Steel get extremely pissed off.

"That is it, I can not wait a minute of time longer."

"Robocop, let's fuck these assholes right up."

"That is it what I am saying. Here, we shall use this, my new weapon."

Robocop breaks out a shiney new bazooka-sized device called The Anal Annihilator. Robocop and Peter Steele then proceed to go to town on everyone's asses. The carnage halts when Robocop sees Fuggin Slud, waiting for some carmel latte esspresso bullshit. Robocop powers down the Anal Annihilator and steps toward her.

"Hey, Robocop! What are you doing man? We got a lot more anuses to annihilate!" Yells a frantic Peter Steele.

"Fuggin... I..."

"Murphy! I... wow! I mean, I always knew you were a good guy, but also a dickless cyborg. And I... well... jeez with that, I mean that thing changes everything."

"Fuggin Slud I want to tell you some-"

"Do me!"

Robocop gives a moment's pause.

"Peter Steele, finish annihilating anuses on your own. Fuggin Slud, come with me and get it your pussy ravaged. Friendzone, choke on it my fucking dick."

The end.