Robocop Buried Deep within the Refractory

"Hello, Michael Rutherford, of the band Genesis but also Mike + The Mechanics. How are you? It is good to see you."

"Yeah hey, Robocop, good to see you, too. And thanks for the tickets, very generous of you."

"You are very welcome, Michael. A friend of mine gave them to me. He is not a fan of the professional wrestling, but I said, why not see it, the WWE? It could be fun."

"Oh yeah, it'll be quite fun. This will also be a 'house show'. By the way, do you know the difference between a house show and a live show?"

"No, but I will look them up, the differences, on the internet, if I am ever curious. Michael, tell me Michael, my friend said that the best thing about WWE was a wrestler named Derek, who executes it, his signature move, the Balls of Dericho, in every match."

"Actually, the guy's name is Jericho, and um..."

"My friend says Derrick sits on his opponent's head and rests them, his balls, on his opponent's face, and that it where it came from, the name of his signature move."

"Haha, well I think your friend is pulling your leg a bit there."

"I do not think so, Michael Rutherford. This is a good friend of mine and he would not lie to me."

"Uh, right, well, I guess we'll just go see then, won't we? Here, I think this is us."

Robocop and Michael Rutherford entered Madison Square Garden and negotiated their way to their seats.

"So, not bad, Robocop. This is going to be fun. Excited for your first pro wrestling match?"

"Yes. Also, Michael, let me ask you something, Michael, which was your favorite band of which to be an integral member, Genesis or Mike + The Mechanics."

"Ah ha, yes, I get that a lot. Well, you know, it's not as if either one of them was a bad experience. I very much enjoyed playing and writing with both of them. It was extremely gratifying, and I will be forever grateful for the, just, incredible support we received, for both bands. But, to answer your question-"

"Yes, please, Michael."

"Yes, well if I had to pick, I certainly felt MORE integral as the band leader of the Mechanics than I did as 'the bassist of Genesis'. And again, it is not as if I wasn't able to write wonderful songs and put on some truly unforgettable performances with my dear friends in Genesis, and that band will always thankfully be a huge part of my life, it's just that with the Mechanics, I really felt I was fulfilling something more. That I was able be more of a pure musician and a songwriter, and so it was just more fulfilling in a broader sense, although, again, they were both tremendously fulfilling experiences, do you know what I mean?"

"No, I prefer Genesis to Mike + The Mechanics."

"Hah, yes, well, many people do, you are not alone there."

"Yes. Michael, do you know if we will see one, an Ultimate Warrior, wrestle today?"

"I don't think so, Robocop. I believe the Ultimate Warrior has retired for good."

"Maybe one of them retired, but I am hoping we see another one of them, the Ultimate Warriors."

"Okay well, listen, unfortunately, it's not the 'Ultimate Warriors'. 'Ultimate' means that he is the last and only Warrior. Okay? It also connotes greatness with the implication that this Warrior has vanquished all potential challengers and we won't see any other Warriors while he yet lives. Right?"

"Yeah that is great, but I am saying it, there have been other Ultimate WarriORS. This is one, a fact, that you can look up on the internet if you want to do it."

"Yeah, Robocop, I know. I know that there have been multiple people that have played the role of 'Ultimate Warrior,' but, within the WWE mythology there is a single character, and not a multitude of-"

"THIS CONVERSATION BORES ME AND I AM LEAVING NOW GOOD BYE MICHAEL RUTHERFORD."

Robocop blasted off into space, covering the paid attendees surrounding him and a billowing, choking, cloud of dust and exhaust. Robocop broke a hole in the roof of the Garden, sending debris crashing down on the heads of the stunned, irritated and asphyxiating fans.

"Christ, he's getting worse," lamented Rutherford. "And he didn't even stay for the Balls of Derricho, I mean Jericho, the walls, god now he's got me doing it."

Robocop landed on the lawn of his friend, Monstupolis Miles. Miles' lawn was not kept in good shape and Robocop's landing did no discernible damage.

Miles handed Robocop a beer without otherwise acknowledging his presence. Robocop accepted the beer and stood in silence as Miles opened a beer of his own and took a long swig. Miles terminated his deep sip with a smooth belch.

"So what's up, dude? I thought you were going to the wrestling event at the Garden. Didn't you say Rutherford was going with you? Did he bail on you?"

"No, that is not it, what happened. I left."

"Why, not enjoying the entertainment? You need to get out and do more stuff, man. That's why I gave you those tickets in the first place."

"So? You did not want to go to it either, the event."

Miles finished a second long pull from his can of beer with another smooth, smooth, belch.

"Yeah, well, I had other plans tonight," smirked Miles as he hoisted the beer for the third time, draining it.

Robocop stood in silence, still holding his unopened can, before letting out a meek sigh.

"Oh what is, are you still thinking about that girl, man? What's her name? Beavis or something. I though you were over her?"

"Monstupolis Miles, her name is not, Beavis. Her name, Monstupolis Miles, is Belle Beverly D'Avaux and she was named after the 90's hip hop group-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I know, you've said. Look man, I don't know what to tell you. Ship has sailed. It wasn't meant to be. Leave the Beav alone or get over it."

The two pals shared a pregnant pause.

"My problem," said Roboop, "is that I need to find a way to get them attracted to me before they consider me 'just a friend.'

"By 'them' I take it you mean all these insanely hot women you're constantly pining for?"

"Correct. I mean, I find them, certain women, to be very attractive."

"Yes, I know you're type, Robocop, smart and kind and talented and super super hot. That might be your problem, dude."

"What is it that you mean?"

"Well, maybe try meeting some women who are smart and kind and nice but not quite so super hot, or even really hot at all. You know, by conventional standards. As constructed by the patriarchy or whatever."

"In words other than the ones you have just spoken, I should lower my standards?"

"No what I mean is... actually no, that's what I mean."

"That's... helpful."

"Yep."

"And depressing."

"Yep. I mean, not really. Not if you think about it. Cause like, oh I dunno, whatever."

After another pregnant pause, Miles continued, "Well, anyway, I'm gonna go keep drinking, until I black out, then hopefully pass out. Then I'll wake about a day or so from now and spend the rest of the week feeling horrible, until I finally don't feel horrible enough to start cracking open more cold ones. Feel free to join me. Or don't. I got Netflix, gonna try watching Narcos again. I don't remember much the first time I tried watching it."

Miles waked inside while crumpling up his empty can, leaving the door open after he disappeared through the threshold.

Robocop, still holding the unopened beer, looked down at the can, contemplating it as the beads of condescension dripped down the aluminum container.

He looked up, then in either direction down the street, then straight ahead, before silently walking into Miles' house, shutting the door behind him.

The End.